Su.Says.So

Dear friend,

It’s been awhile since we really talked. Ever since we’re distanced from taking the same subjects in school. I just want you to know that i’ve never felt happier to know someone who used to go to the same school as i do. The times when we bitched and reminisced the good ol’ days of that school, the food, the people, etc. Initially i thought you were a snob who lives in his own league- the geeky way. And you thought i was a nursing student back in that school. And we laughed. I feel so bonded with you cause we had certain things that we can talk of about that school and how much we missed it. 

We planned on making a band, just our musically inclined bunch, remember? How much fun we had jamming. You had fun too, didn’t you? Sadly all those were fond memories that i’m forced to crush and throw them into the bin. And to now live as if i’ve never known you. It is hard, trust me. You were always jealous of my art. I couldn’t help it. I guess you have the answers to it cause you are twice as good with your digital artworks too. Keep improving. You would always ask me for opinions on your hand-drawn art. I’ll be honest and i helped you, remember? 

You wanted me, the other girl and you to enter some art competition. You see you trusted me. You trusted me in my expertise but look where it’s gone. You seem to have given up hope on me ever since our cohort’s friendship has fallen apart. And dont- dont start on why i deserve to be shunned by people and losing them. Its not fair cause i believe you’re going through the same phase. You think by unfollowing and creating a hoo hah online gains you attention? Well for a brief second it did. Congratulations. Coming from someone whom i used to know to be rational and smart and has unconditional respect for his friends, you were vile. Only god knows how i’ve felt upon waking up to that awful tweet. You once wished that my dad would be ok. That was the last tweet you were pleasant to me. I thought you were numb and oblivious to my situation. For now, you’re like a brand new nemesis. 

You loved your parents dearly. I shall ask you one. What if, your beloved dad is having a chronic disease, incurable, and his days are numbered? Everyday you had to clean his diapers, feed him with dilutes, and his only way of communication is by saying AHHHs. Your dad is dying. This a huge testament in your life.Ever. 

How would you feel, my friend? To have to put on a strong fight for your mum who is crumbling everyday even in her prayers? 

Now do you get my situation? Cause you never asked how i was coping. 

Did you even care?

So now, i have you nearly bringing me to tears. You, throwing us just like a waste paper. I see, you’ve had new leagues. Are you happy now? What makes you think that the rest of us are the bad eggs? How long have you known us? Only yesterday? And how long does it take you to know that they’re friends fo life and the hereafter?
I do not have the intention of throwing you away. I never had cause I’ve always treasured you despite our disagreements. Remember the day that i was upset with you for not turning up at my performance at Bishan? You wanted to turn up but you had no companion. So you decided to give it a pass. I was crushed, okay. So you made up for it by buying me a slice of cake from my favourite cake shop. And you didnt turn up when i was a representative for our own school last year. Yet, you still said I couldn’t sing? God, im so hurt when you hurled those words. InsyaAllah one day i’ll be a representative for Singapore. Then you tell me, can i really sing? Would you even support me if im on stage with Taufik or Sezairi, your favourites on Singapore idol. Judging by it, i doubt so. 

You hated my song song choice. You even hated my listed song choice for a competition. You said it sounded very supermarket-ish because the music was really soothing. But i couldnt care, really. After all it’s me, the conveyor of that song. We used to hang out so much. Everyday going home that same route. Me, forcing you to accompany when i saw an old friend. God, I was scared. For once you were there and saw me breaking up cause i was scared of the old haunts. Thank you.

You may wish to forget and to hate me forever more. And to be jubilant that i never existed in your life ever again. But if you see me outside making a huge success lightyears ahead, know that i’ve forgiven you and wish you the best in life. I keep wishing and praying that we could all be reunite as before. But there’s a high chance of us lashing again, and the cycle goes on. So let’s drop it. 

I do not want us to graduate with that arrogance. And im sad that the friends that i’ve known to love, to care so much have all grown and sucked up in their own little worlds. What happened to mengucap and the forgiving spirit amongst all human? 

Even the prophet forgives his followers.

What about you?

Goodbye my friend, i leave it all to Him now. May you find solace and happiness.
Love,
your friend Petom.